Posted by admin in Features, News on 16. May, 2010 | No Comments
British Petroleum (BP) officials, despite several attempts, have not yet been able to plug the leak that is spewing 210,000 gallons of crude oil into the Gulf of Mexico every day. In an act of shear desperation company CEO Tony Hayward has enlisted the expertise of Daniel Day Lewis. “Mr. Lewis played a very successful oil prospector by [...]
He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, his wife pushed a Tempurpedic contour pillow between her knees and readjusted her satin animal print sleep mask. The light of dawn was illuminating the back of his eyelids creating retinal solar flares; the cold February breeze snaked its way between the couple of 31 year’s Lands End bamboo sheets; [...]
The Supreme Court recently affirmed with a 5-4 vote that corporations have the same rights as individuals and thus a first amendment right to donate money to candidates in elections. Citizen watchdog groups have expressed concern over pernicious consequences the ruling would have on the electoral system. ”Nothing but another victory for big oil, Wall Street banks, insurance companies, and fat cats,” [...]
Bravo’s Real Housewives of Omaha, scheduled to air following Olympic coverage, is in danger of being grounded before take off. Executive of development, Andy Cohen, is being challenged by marketing that the newest iteration of the program will not draw sufficient advertising dollars. “It turns out that Nebraska only has a population of 1.7 million [...]
The Tattler staff psychic has looked into the future of the scorned Conan O’Brien. This is the tale of a man who reached the pinnacle of his career and crashed to earth, forced to live like a mere mortal which involves going to Super Target for milk and double stuff Oreos at midnight and wearing non-NASA patented sun screen. But, like any great [...]
Posted by admin in Features, News on 16. Jul, 2010 | No Comments
Kyle Lambert couldn’t muster the strength to get out bed. What was the point. With his best early morning I’m-not-feeling-well voice he called the office secretary. “Hey Jan it’s Kyle,” he croaked, “I’m not feeling so hot, I’m not coming in today. For sure, I’ll be in tomorrow, just a 24 hour bug.” He set the [...]
Posted by admin in News on 07. Jul, 2010 | No Comments
The administration and Congress have been unable to significantly decrease unemployment rates, and fears of an extended period of joblessness are rampant. In an act of apparent desperation Congress passed the Seacrest Employment Redistribution Initiative or SERI. The bill was proposed by West Virginia representative Allen Mollohan (D) who was appalled to learn the number of jobs [...]
Posted by admin in News on 27. Jun, 2010 | No Comments
From the Tattler’s London Offices an in depth report on an Orlando, Florida Tea Party this last weekend. Correspondent Sylvia Pankhurst comments on the event’s attendees, topic of conversation, and striking lack of actual tea. The sun in Orlando is enough to make an English woman wilt like overexposed delphinium, which by the way make for a [...]
Posted by admin in Editorial on 22. Jun, 2010 | No Comments
The following was submitted by George Hernandez, a 28-year-old father of three who drives a 2000 blue-green camaro with 24” chrome Verde Icon rims and a pair of gold balls (testicles) swinging from the undercarriage of the vehicle. Truck Nutz as they are called, are a verisimilitude of male, mammalian genitalia that are strung from the frame of vehicles in order to let other [...]
Posted by admin in Features, News on 06. Jun, 2010 | 1 Comment
The Recession has led families and municipalities to take drastic measures. Fathers are staying home with their children (gasp!), the City of Detroit is razing unoccupied homes and returning the land to agriculture or sandlots from which a diverse group of children will learn life lessons, and workers are starting new careers or returning to [...]
Posted by admin in News on 21. May, 2010 | No Comments
The U.S. senate has begun debates on what is being called the most sweeping financial regulatory reforms since the Great Depression. President Obama and House Democrats are proposing restrictions to bring much maligned derivatives trading out the open and create greater oversight, while Republicans vociferate concerns that government meddling would restrict companies from dubiously making [...]
Posted by admin in Editorial, News on 29. Mar, 2010 | No Comments
Since when does a serious demeanor brand you an ill-fated sour puss? My great grandfather, Alowicious, was valued by village elders for being serious, meaning one who considers issues carefully. Perhaps rather than being a conscientious steward of the land I could tweeter about Nan’s Sunday roast. Or maybe I should use what time I have [...]
Posted by admin in News on 06. Jan, 2010 | No Comments
The City Council approved the renaming of seven blocks of Webster Street to Fahey Street in celebration of the former mayor’s accomplishments; Mr. Fahey negotiated a 25-year contract with the NCAA to host the College World Series. The Council’s ‘yah’ vote was contested by Republicans, supporters of former mayor Hal Daub, and ardent fans of Emmanuel Lewis. President [...]
Posted by admin in Editorial, News on 06. Jan, 2010 | No Comments
ESPN has announced a new television contract with college football’s Bowl Championship Series, ensuring another decade without playoffs, a true national champion, or happy fanbase. “The fans have spoken, and we hear them loud and clear,” said ESPN commentator Kirk Herbstreit. “They can sleep soundly knowing we’ve answered their prayers, and we’ve answered them with a [...]
